


I'll Call You My Home

by thebeautifulbadass (2SAM2FURIOUS)



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2SAM2FURIOUS/pseuds/thebeautifulbadass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of FFN author CanadaGrizzly(BardenBeale)'s Liz/Meera fanfic, In the Moonlit Woods, set after the second chapter with an alternate ending. Her first two chapters are essentially the beginning of this story, so READ HER FIC FIRST!!! This is basically just a ton of fluff and angst. Flangst, if you will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In the Moonlit Woods](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/136806) by BardenBeale. 



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Meanwhile, I'll just be over here patiently waiting for Jon Bokenkamp to hire me (which he won't because clearly I would try to make all his female characters gay for each other).

**_Frederick Barnes_ **

“Liz, you okay?”

Liz was seated at her desk, and she looked up from where she had been holding her head in her hands to find Meera’s concerned face looking back at her.

Liz tried to smile, but didn’t know what to say, so she simply shrugged, her lips quivering.

Meera quickly shut the door to Liz’s office and walked over to her, taking a seat on the desk to the side of Liz’s chair. Liz swiveled her chair and scooted closer as Meera took her hand in one of her own.

With her free hand, Meera reached out to tuck a strand of Liz’s hair behind her ear. “Darling, what is it?”

“It was a stupid mistake. Amateur. Ressler was right, I shouldn’t be doing this job. If surrendering my weapon in a hostage situation seems like the right decision when it’s _not_ , I shouldn’t be here. I don’t understand why Reddington needs _me_ of all people.” Liz’s voice was firm, but she was clearly upset and frustrated with herself.

Meera shook her head, gripping Liz’s hands tightly. “You’re new at this, my love. Of course you’ll make a mistake every now and then. And you made this mistake because you care about people so much. You care about every human life and you don’t want to sacrifice anyone. It’s one of the many reasons I adore you.”

Liz managed a small, wobbly smile, looking down at her hands in Meera’s. “But my mistakes put others in danger.”

“Yes, but it didn’t cause anyone harm today. Don’t dwell on the ‘what ifs.’ You’ll remember this next time you’re in a tough position.”

Liz’s mouth quirked in one corner and she swallowed, finally looking up into Meera’s face. “Thanks, baby.”

Meera leaned forward to give Liz a tender, lingering kiss.

When she pulled back, she smirked, her eyes twinkling. “And I don’t blame Reddington for wanting to work with you. You’re pretty sexy.”

“Not as sexy as you are, Agent Malik,” Liz replied with a sly grin, her hands squeezing Meera’s thighs.

Suddenly there was a sharp knock on the door, and in an instant, Liz’s hands were back on her lap and Meera was standing next to her as if nothing had happened.

Ressler poked his head in. “Keen, call Reddington. We need his help on this one.”

Liz nodded. “Absolutely.” She turned to Meera. “We’ll continue this later?” she asked, her voice a mask of professionalism.

“Certainly, Agent Keen. Good luck with Reddington.” Meera nodded and left the office behind Ressler.

When she was alone, Liz took a moment to smile to herself, relishing in the joy of her new relationship, before calling Red.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Liz felt a little numb.

She knew she’d made the right decision killing Frederick Barnes, but it was her first kill in the field. Her hands were shaking, and she couldn’t seem to get them to stop. She had to go back to the Post Office and fill out the paperwork – discharging her weapon and such.

When she walked off the elevator, Meera looked up from her desk. She took one look at Liz and could tell something was wrong. Meera waited a few minutes before following Liz to her office.

Liz was sitting at her desk holding a pen in her shaking hand, staring blankly at the forms in front of her when she heard a light knock at the door. She didn’t answer. Meera opened the door anyway.

Liz looked up at her and couldn’t stand the worried look on her face. She stood up and immediately walked to Meera, tangling her arms tightly around her, burying her face in Meera’s hair.

“What happened, love?” Meera whispered, holding Liz close.

Liz let out a shaky breath. “I killed someone, Meera. I mean, I did the right thing. I know I did, but it was my first time. I just…” she trailed off.

Meera ran her fingers through Liz’s hair comfortingly. “Shh, you don’t have to explain. I understand. You’ll be okay.”

Liz turned her head into Meera’s neck and left a soft kiss under her ear. “I love you.”

Meera smiled, kissing Liz’s head. “I love you too, darling. Want to come over for dinner? Meet the girls? The normalcy might make you feel a little better.”

Liz pulled back a little to look into Meera’s eyes, slightly shocked. “You want me to meet your girls? Are you sure?”

Meera gave her the brightest smile she’d ever seen. “Absolutely certain.”

Liz pressed her lips fiercely to Meera’s, overwhelmed with her love for this incredible woman. “I will happily come over for dinner, baby,” she replied, leaning her forehead against Meera’s.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Meera was holding Liz’s hand as she reached for her keys. “You ready?” she asked, glancing at Liz with a smile.

Liz smiled in return and nodded, sure despite her nerves.

Meera opened the door and immediately two adorable little girls ran toward them, squealing. Meera knelt down and they ran into her arms.

Liz felt like her chest was about to burst. How was it possible that she loved Meera this much already?

“Hi, babies! Did you have a good day?” Meera asked, squeezing her daughters tightly.

They both smiled and nodded, speaking at the same time, their words mixing together in an excited, jumbled mess. Liz grinned. She could only make out every few words.

Meera pulled back and stood up, tousling the girls’ hair. “I brought someone very special home, girls.” They looked past Meera shyly to gaze at Liz. Liz waved, beaming at them.

Meera grabbed Liz’s hand and pulled her forward to stand next to her. “This is Liz.” Meera smiled at her, and the love in her eyes was enough to melt Liz’s heart.

“Liz, this is Jasmine,” she said, gesturing to the slightly taller, obviously a bit older daughter. “And this is Grace,” she continued, placing her hand gently on the smaller girl’s head.

Liz knelt down. “It’s lovely to meet you both. Your mom has told me so much about you!” She couldn’t believe how precious these girls were, how much they looked like miniature versions of the woman she loved.

She felt so much better already. Like the nightmarish day she’d just had was far in the past.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

After dinner, Meera got Jasmine and Grace ready for bed and read them a story, sitting on the floor between the girls’ beds, her legs crossed at the ankles.

Liz had offered to clean up everything after dinner, and once she finished, she walked down the hall to see what they were up to. She heard Meera’s soft voice and the tinkling giggles of the girls.

She couldn’t help herself – she peeked through the crack of the door, gazing at Meera with the most contented smile on her face. Meera had never looked more beautiful. Barefoot, tired, leaning her head down laughing at something Grace said, her hair falling in front of her face.

She didn’t want to intrude on their family moment, so she retreated to the living room. Ten minutes later, Meera quietly closed the girls’ bedroom door and joined Liz in the living room.

Liz shook her head in disbelief at how perfect this woman was. “Come here, you,” she said, holding out her hand. Meera smiled and willingly obliged. As soon as she had taken Liz’s hand, Liz leaned back, pulling a softly squealing Meera down on top of her.

Liz kissed Meera reverently for a solid minute, threading her fingers through her hair.

Then she gently sat up, pushing Meera up with her, sliding one hand down Meera’s arm to twine their fingers together. “I adore them already,” Liz murmured. Meera grinned and it made Liz’s chest ache with joy. “Oh my god, baby, you’re just the cutest. I can’t believe you’re mine,” Liz grinned, leaning in for another kiss, soft and tender this time.

Meera lightly brushed her thumb along Liz’s cheekbone, a smile brightening her eyes. “They adored you too, darling. I’ve never seen them take to someone so quickly.”

Liz beamed. She settled back into the couch cushions, pulling Meera into her, holding her tightly. She dropped a kiss on Meera’s shoulder. “Thank you for tonight. This was perfect. You’re perfect.”

“You’re so very welcome, my love,” Meera replied, lightly trailing her finger up and down Liz’s thigh.

“They look so much like you, Meera,” Liz said softly. “They’re beautiful. And so smart and sweet and well-behaved.” She kissed Meera’s shoulder again.

Meera pulled away so she could see Liz’s face. God, how she loved this woman. Her eyes were shining as she shook her head in disbelief. “How did I ever get so lucky? I already have my two perfect girls and now I get to call the most wonderful, beautiful woman I’ve ever met mine. What did I do to deserve this?”

Liz lunged forward, gently nudging Meera backward on the couch until she was lying down, latching her lips to Meera’s as if she could never get enough of her. She paused to take a breath, her lips still grazing Meera’s as she whispered, “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you, baby. You’re incredible.”

Liz was overcome with how much she craved this tiny, perfect woman beneath her. She bit Meera’s lower lip softly, then brushed her tongue along the roof of her mouth. Meera let out a low moan, responding with equal hunger.

When they broke apart for air, Liz crouched above Meera to fully take in the image of her. She lay there breathless, hair fanned out around her on the couch cushion, gazing up at Liz with pure love written across her face. Liz grinned devilishly, her hair falling down to tickle the tip of Meera’s nose. Meera reached up to cup the back of Liz’s head and ran one hand down her spine, pulling Liz down until their bodies were practically melded together.

“Stop talking nonsense and just kiss me,” Meera ordered breathlessly.

Liz didn’t mind doing what she was told. Not one bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**_General Ludd_ **

Liz leaned on the car, unable to carry her own weight, sinking to the ground.

No. No, her father couldn’t be dead. Sam couldn’t be gone. She hadn’t gotten to say goodbye.

She felt empty. She couldn’t think.

Sam was the only person who’d ever truly loved her. The only one until now, until Meera. And he was _gone_.

Her body was wracked with sobs. _No, no, this isn’t happening, no no no._

She had never felt so alone in her life. She needed Meera there with her, but it was only Ressler, standing at a distance, waiting for her to gather herself back together.

Liz realized that the sooner she could get her sobs under control, the sooner Ressler would come over, and the sooner she could get back to the Post Office and into her Meera’s arms.

She wiped her eyes on her jacket sleeve and stood up, gesturing for Ressler to approach.

“Keen, I’m so sorry.” His voice was sincere, as he laid his hand on her shoulder supportively.

She met his gaze, grateful that he was there. “Thanks, Ress. Can you drive? I just want to get back to the office.”

“Sure thing.” He nodded and they got in the car, riding silently all the way back to the city.

When they exited the elevator at the Post Office, Liz rushed ahead of Ressler to find Meera, her jacket flowing behind her like a cape. Tears were already flowing down her cheeks again. She needed Meera. She wasn’t at her desk. Where was she?

She frantically hurried down the hallways, looking everywhere, when suddenly Meera walked out of the bathroom, almost running straight into an emotional Liz.

Meera’s face twisted in surprise, but it quickly morphed into worry when she saw the state Liz was in. “Hey, hey.” She reached out to Liz’s shoulder. “Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Liz just stared at her, her lips quivering. She finally managed to control her emotions enough to speak, but could only get out two words. “My dad.” And then she broke, collapsing into Meera’s arms, sobbing on her shoulder. “He’s gone, I didn’t get to say goodbye.” She felt like her chest was going to explode. She had never felt so simultaneously full and empty of emotion.

Meera held her tightly, her heart shattering into pieces for the woman she loved. She stroked Liz’s hair, placing soft kisses on her temple, whispering comforting words in her ear. “Shh baby, shh. I’m so sorry, my love. He knew you loved him, he knew, my darling. I’m here. I’ve got you. I love you so much.”

“Please don’t leave me. You’re all I have,” Liz whimpered.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m right here,” Meera whispered, rubbing small circles on Liz’s back with her thumb.

It took several long minutes for Liz’s sobs to subside as she clutched Meera, her lifeline, the only person she had left. She placed a soft kiss to Meera’s shoulder and lifted her head slightly to look at her. “God, you should run for the hills. We’ve only been together for a few weeks and I’m saying stuff like that and snotting all over you.” Liz’s face flushed with embarrassment.

Meera lifted her hands to Liz’s face, swiping her thumbs under Liz’s eyes to dry her tears, then cupped her face gently. “I’m not running for the hills unless you’re running with me.” She leaned in to kiss Liz lovingly. “Do you want me to come to the funeral with you? For moral support?” Meera began nervously rambling when she realized the gravity of what she had just asked. “We don’t have to be a couple in front of everyone, but I just thought if you need me, you know, if you want-”

Liz cut her off with another kiss. “I want you to come, Meera. And I don’t want to pretend. I want you to be who you are to me, which is the woman I love. I don’t care what they think. I need you there holding my hand.”

Meera smiled at her, pulling her in close again, placing her lips on Liz’s tear-stained nose, before wrapping her arms around her tightly, her lips moving to Liz’s neck.

Liz was still trembling from the exertion of her sobs. Meera wished she could take away all the pain that she knew was clawing at Liz’s insides. “I’ll be there. I’m so sorry, my love. We’ll get through this.”

“I love you,” Liz mumbled into Meera’s hair.

“I love you too, darling. So very much,” she replied softly, dropping her head to kiss Liz in the nook where her shoulder met her neck. “Hey, do you think the rest of the task force will care that we’re dating? Because I think they might know after this.”

Liz stepped back, looking into Meera’s twinkling eyes. She managed a tiny smile at Meera’s very real question disguised as a joke. Liz slid her hands down Meera’s arms and took her hands as she looked around them in the hallway. “Well, at least we didn’t have a live audience. But you’re probably right, there are cameras in here.”

Meera grinned sheepishly. “It’s alright with me if they know. If you’re ready for that.”

“Well, I kind of have to be. But I would have been ready anyway. I don’t want to hide what I feel for you.” Liz squeezed Meera’s hands, and turned towards the War Room, leaving one of her hands tangled with Meera’s.

They strode toward the room. “I need to go talk to Cooper and tell him about my dad. Tell him I’ll be gone for at least a few days.”

“I’ll come with you. I need to tell him I’m going to Nebraska with you.” She gave Liz a small, supportive smile, knowing that this meant telling Cooper about their relationship.

“Are you sure?” Liz asked, giving her one last chance to back out.

“Absolutely. Let’s go tell him. Together.”

Liz lifted Meera’s hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “Thank you,” she whispered.

They walked into the War Room together, hand in hand. Ressler and Aram both looked up at them as they entered. Their eyes immediately drifted down to Liz and Meera’s locked hands.

Ressler quickly regained his senses, speaking as if two of his colleagues holding hands were an everyday occurrence. “Keen, how you holding up?”

“Good as can be expected, I suppose. Thanks for checking, Ressler. I have to head up and let Cooper know that I’m- that _we’re_ , going to Nebraska for the funeral.” She met Meera’s supportive gaze as Meera squeezed her hand.

Meera nodded at the two men with a smile, before allowing herself to be led up the stairs to Cooper’s office.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Meera’s heart was breaking.

Liz was clutching at her hand, her knuckles white; her tears spilled down her cheeks, red from the chill in the air. Autumn leaves drifted down from the trees in the breeze, eventually coming to rest on the headstones and graves surrounding them. Meera stroked her thumb across the back of Liz’s hand lovingly – a reminder that she was there, that she wasn’t going anywhere.

Meera’s own tears were streaming down her face. She wanted more than anything to take Liz’s pain away from her. She wished she could have met Liz’s father. She just wanted to take care of her Lizzie.

After the minister spoke, Meera squeezed her hand and Liz walked alone to the casket, where it was waiting to be lowered into the ground. She gently placed her bouquet of flowers on top, letting her hand linger.

And that’s when Liz completely fell apart.

Meera could tell as soon as it happened. Liz’s shoulders hunched over and her head lowered; she brought one hand up to cover her face as her entire body trembled with the force of her sobs.

Meera instinctively stood and joined Liz by the casket, winding her arms around her. She found Liz’s free hand and twined their fingers together in front of them, resting her chin on Liz’s shoulder. “I’m right here, baby. I’m here,” she whispered.

Liz turned her body into Meera’s and buried her face in her neck, shaking, clutching at the back of Meera’s jacket. She didn’t care what anyone thought of them in that moment. She didn’t care that her girlfriend was holding her in middle-of-nowhere Nebraska in front of her entire extended family.

All she cared about was the feel of Meera’s arms around her, the overwhelming fact that she would never see or speak to Sam again, the knowledge that at least she wasn’t alone as she stood next to the casket holding the body of her dead father.

When the service ended, Liz greeted her family members with hugs, tears still streaming down her face. It was lovely to see them all again – she hadn’t been back to visit in quite awhile – but the circumstances more than put a damper on the reunion.

Meera stood back, not wanting to impose on Liz’s family moments unless she was invited. She knew two women in a relationship might not be as accepted in small-town Nebraska as it was in the nation’s capital. But Meera was surprised when an older woman turned to her and pulled her into her arms as well. She glanced at Liz, who seemed just as surprised.

The woman spoke to Liz as she hugged Meera. “Who is this beautiful young woman, Lizzie dear?” When she released her, Meera moved back a step to stand next to Liz. She knew Liz hadn’t really thought any of this through, that she wasn’t necessarily ready for everyone she’d ever met to know she was dating a woman. So she let Liz take the lead, not wanting to make it too obvious that they were a couple.

But Liz reached out and instinctively grabbed Meera’s hand, finding it without looking down, as if they were connected by an invisible string. Liz smiled at the woman. “Aunt Lisa, this is Meera.”

She didn’t explain any further, but Aunt Lisa could clearly see the love emanating between them. She beamed at Meera. “Thank you for coming here with our Lizzie. She needed you today.”

Meera nodded with a smile. “Of course. Always.” She glanced at Liz, whose face was radiating surprised relief. Suddenly Liz stepped forward and threw herself back into her Aunt Lisa’s arms. “Thank you,” she whispered, tears in her eyes.

“I love you, Lizzie dear. Come visit more often. And bring Meera along. We’d all like to get to know her under better circumstances.”

Liz stepped back, nodding, wiping her cheeks. “I will. I promise.”

She smiled sadly at her aunt. “I think I’m going to head out. If I missed anyone, tell them I love them. Maybe anyone who’s free can join us for lunch tomorrow before we leave for Washington?”

“Of course, dear. Go get some rest. We all understand. Call me if you’re feeling up to lunch tomorrow.” Aunt Lisa turned to Meera. “It was lovely to meet you, dear.”

“Likewise,” Meera replied with a genuine smile.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” Liz told her aunt before pulling Meera away from the throng of people around Sam’s grave. They walked to the outskirts of the cemetery and she pulled Meera into her arms, taking a deep breath of the fresh country air mixed with Meera’s familiar scent of lavender and vanilla.

“I love you so, so much, Meera Malik. Thank you for coming with me.”

Meera crushed her lips to Liz’s for a moment. “I will _always_ be here for you, Elizabeth.” She brushed Liz’s bangs to the side gently. “I wish more than anything that I could be here meeting your father.”

Liz’s eyes filled with tears and she swallowed the lump in her throat. “Me too. He would’ve loved you.”

Meera squeezed her hand and gave her a sad smile. “Are you ready to go?”

Liz nodded, forever grateful to Meera for coming to Nebraska, holding her hand, bravely meeting her relatives, drying her non-stop tears. They began walking towards the parking lot to find their rental car. “Want a tour of the town where little Lizzie grew up?”

Meera grinned, swinging their joined hands between them. “That sounds perfect, my love.”

Liz drove down endless side streets, pointing out where she went to school, the store where she shoplifted on a dare, the park where she had her first kiss. Meera could feel herself falling more in love by the second. Finally, Liz pulled up in front of a small one-story house and let out a shaky breath.

“And this was my home. Mine and Sam’s.” Liz’s voice trembled.

Meera grabbed Liz’s hand, twining their fingers together, bringing it up to kiss along Liz’s knuckles.

Liz swallowed the tears building in the back of her throat. “It belongs to me now. I should probably just sell it, but… I’m not sure I can.”

Meera squeezed her hand. “Let’s go inside?” she offered.

Liz nodded. They got out and as soon as they made it around the car, their hands found each other once again. When they reached the front porch, Liz dug the key out of her bag and turned it in the lock.

As soon as they stepped inside, she felt like a fist was twisting around her heart. “It still smells like him,” she whispered.

Meera stepped up behind her, pulling Liz’s body against her own, holding her firmly in her embrace. She placed a kiss at the top of Liz’s spine. “If this is too much, we don’t have to stay, baby. We can get a hotel room,” she murmured into Liz’s neck.

Liz shook her head. “No, no, I want to stay here. I want to share this with you.” She turned in Meera’s arms and placed a kiss on her forehead. They held each other silently for a moment, while Liz breathed in the familiar scents of home.

“Are there pictures of little Lizzie here?” Meera asked softly, breaking the silence.

Liz smiled against Meera’s head, her tiny puff of an exhale blowing Meera’s hair slightly. “Yeah, let me find some photo albums.”

Liz made her way over to the bookshelves in the living room, searching for the photo albums she knew were on the top shelf. “There are pictures of me all over this room if you wanna take a look around,” she told Meera as she reached for the stack of photo albums.

Meera began to walk around, eager to see photos of Liz as a little girl. “Oh my god, Lizzie, look at you!” Meera laughed as she grabbed a framed photo from the mantel of the fireplace. Liz carried the photo albums to the coffee table and Meera sat down on the couch with the photo in her hands. Liz glanced at it and smiled. It was a photo of her, probably about six years old, on a swing in the backyard, her face shining with joy, her legs stretching straight out in front of her, her hair blowing in the breeze, a smudge of mud on her arm.

Liz sat down next to Meera on the couch and Meera immediately leaned into her, murmuring, “I adore you, you know that?”

Liz’s heart began to beat faster as she pressed her lips to Meera’s temple. “I adore you too. So much that it scares me.”

“It shouldn’t scare you. I’m not going anywhere, my love.”

Liz was overcome with love and longing and gratitude. The mood shifted. She wasn’t playing around, not in the slightest. She gazed into Meera’s eyes. “Should we continue the tour?”

Meera looked confused. “But we just got here. I thought you didn’t want to leave yet?”

“I don’t want to leave. The next stop on the tour is my childhood bedroom, where I made love to my beautiful girlfriend for the first time.”

Meera’s breath caught in her throat. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” Liz replied breathlessly, tugging Meera up from the couch into her arms, immediately pressing open-mouthed kisses in a line along Meera’s collarbone. She abruptly pulled her down a hallway toward the back of the house.

And suddenly they were in the room where Liz had grown up. But Meera was too caught up in the feel of Liz’s mouth and hands everywhere to focus on her surroundings. 

Liz had been pulling her backwards into the room, but she turned around, gently pushing Meera back onto the bed. She lifted Meera’s shoulders and scooted her farther up the bed before nipping at her ear. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. God, I love you so much,” Liz murmured.

Meera sighed, already breathless with anticipation. “Are you trying to kill me right now?”

“Never,” Liz whispered. “I’m trying to make you feel more alive than you ever thought possible.”

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Within minutes, Meera shattered beneath Liz’s touch. When she felt her body turn to jelly, she moved her hand from Liz’s hair to her cheek. She was breathing so hard, she couldn’t get any words out, but she needed Liz next to her. Liz looked up as Meera touched her cheek and knew she was needed elsewhere. She moved up Meera’s body to lay next to her on her side, looking lovingly down at Meera’s blissful face, tangling their legs together.

When she realized that tears were streaming down Meera’s cheeks, she ran her thumb across to wipe away the wetness. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Absolutely nothing. I love you so much, Elizabeth,” she murmured breathlessly.

“Oh, Meera, not possibly as much as I love you. You’re breathtaking. A work of art.”

Meera smiled, her eyes fluttering closed. “I’ve never experienced anything that heavenly in my entire life.”

Liz leaned down, pressing her lips to Meera’s, her hair falling down to brush against Meera’s wet cheek. She gently pulled back, her face hovering inches above Meera’s. “I feel like I’m losing my mind, in the absolute best way. It shouldn’t be possible to love someone this much after only a few weeks,” Liz murmured.

“It’s possible, darling, because I feel the same way. I think I’ve been waiting my entire life for you and only you.”

Liz’s eyes filled with tears. “Me too, baby, me too,” she whispered. She crushed her lips to Meera’s once more, this time with more force. Meera responded with equal fervor and quickly pushed Liz over onto her back, straddling her.

“It’s your turn, love,” she murmured against Liz’s smiling lips.

A blush crept across Liz’s cheeks. “You don’t have to, Meera.”

Meera paused, gazing down into Liz’s eyes. Liz looked almost…embarrassed. “I want to. I need to make you feel the way I just felt.” She placed her hand along Liz’s jawline, brushing her thumb across the blush on her cheek. “What is it? Do you not want me to?”

Liz swallowed. “No, I want you to. I just- I’ve never- No one’s ever-”

Meera cut her off, utter disbelief clear on her face. “You’re joking. After what you just did to me? That’s not possible.”

Liz’s blush deepened. “I just did what I’ve always wanted someone to do to me.”

Meera brushed her lips gently across Liz’s, before whispering in her ear. “And I’m going to be that someone. Right here, right now.”

 

* * * * * * * *

 

When Liz came down from her high, clutching Meera’s hand tightly, Meera moved up Liz’s body, lying on top of her, skin to skin, wrapping one arm under Liz’s body, holding her as close as she possibly could. She rested her head on top of Liz’s racing heartbeat, relishing in the sound. She brushed her thumb across Liz’s palm softly.

“Holy shit,” Liz whispered after a few silent moments of gathering her breath.

Meera chuckled against her chest and Liz brought her free arm up to snake across Meera’s back.

“That was…” Liz trailed off, shaking her head in disbelief. “Wow. I’m not your first girlfriend, am I?” She grinned, pressing a kiss to the top of Meera’s head.

“Actually you are. I’ve only dated men. I’ve never done that before.”

Liz rolled onto her side, causing Meera to do the same so they were facing each other. She needed to look at Meera, take in every inch of her face. “If that was your first time, you may end up literally killing me someday.”

Meera giggled, leaning her forehead against Liz’s. “I could say the same about you. You were even more impressive. You’ve never done it and you’ve never had it done _to_ you. That was just raw talent. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle you once you’re polished.” She smirked.

“Well, you’ll have to because I’m never letting you go,” Liz murmured against Meera’s lips.

“I love you,” Meera whispered back, before pressing her lips tightly to Liz’s.

When they broke apart, Liz smiled lovingly, brushing Meera’s hair away from her face softly. She traced her thumb along Meera’s brow, down her nose, across her cheekbone, her lips, her jawline, memorizing every contour of her face.

Meera just gazed at Liz, watching her peaceful, contented expression. One corner of her mouth crinkled in a smile as Liz cupped the side of her face, brushing her thumb across her cheek. “So, this is where you grew up, huh? Sleep with any guys in here?”

Liz laughed. “Oh, god no. My dad didn’t let me bring guys in here. He was a little over-protective.”

Meera quirked an eyebrow. “So I’m the first one to make it into the inner sanctum of Lizzie Scott?”

Liz bit her lip, trying to hold back her overwhelming smile as she giggled. “I mean, I had friends over all the time. But you’re the first one to see me naked in here.”

“Quite the honor, I’d say,” Meera replied, sliding her hand down Liz’s side, along the dip of her waist, resting her fingers on Liz’s hip.

Liz huffed a laugh. “Thanks for making this day better for me, Meera. I don’t think I could have handled the funeral on my own.”

“I’ll do anything for you, my love. Always,” Meera murmured, gently kissing the tip of Liz’s nose.

Liz leaned forward until their noses were touching and closed her eyes with a tranquil sigh. She could stay here until the end of time and she’d be just fine with that. With the woman she loved, in the house she grew up in, surrounded by memories of her father.

She could almost pretend that she and Meera were a normal couple on a weekend getaway. Not FBI and CIA agents who risk their lives on a daily basis, in town for a funeral.

Liz just held her and breathed in the smell of vanilla and lavender, the smell of her Meera.

She liked the way that sounded.

_Her Meera._


	3. Chapter 3

**_Anslo Garrick_ **

Meera had to stay strong. She was probably going to die any minute, but at least her Lizzie hadn’t been captured. She thought back to the week before when they had made love for the first time. She swallowed back the bile in the back of her throat. She couldn’t die. She promised Liz she wouldn’t leave her.

And then suddenly her mind went blank as Liz was led into the room at gunpoint. “No,” she whispered, tears pricking at her eyes. Cooper shot Meera a warning look, and she blinked back her tears, forcing herself to maintain control on the outside, even while she was breaking on the inside.

The men forced Liz to her knees in front of the Box. Meera could see the cold barrel of the gun pressed against Liz’s temple. She could barely hear Anslo demanding the code over the thundering of her heartbeat in her ears. Cooper was still refusing. Ressler was passed out in the Box. Reddington was pleading with Cooper, but he wasn’t listening.

Meera stepped forward without a second thought. “Romeo! The code is Romeo! Just open the damn box!” She couldn’t look at Cooper. She didn’t want to see the look of anger and disappointment on his face. But he had to have known she couldn’t just stand there and do nothing as they blew her girlfriend’s brains out.

Liz was afraid she would break if she turned around to look at Meera. But she heard her speak. She heard her save her life.

Anslo opened the box, and forced Liz along with them as they left, escaping the Post Office. She spared a glance at Meera. A glance filled with fear and love. She didn’t know why they still needed her. And oh god, Anslo just ordered his men to kill everyone left. _No, no, they couldn’t kill Meera._ Tears escaped no matter how much she tried to hold them back as she was forced into the back of an ambulance with Reddington.

After they had escaped, a tactical team of FBI agents stormed the building, killing the remaining members of Anslo’s team. Meera was frantic. “Oh god, oh god, they took her.”

Cooper put his hand on her shoulder. “Agent Malik, I understand why you did what you did, but you just put our entire team in danger.”

“With all due respect, sir, we were in danger already. No way in hell could I watch her die.” Meera walked away, fuming. “Aram, check his chip. We have to find them.”

Aram could see the panic in her eyes. And then suddenly his phone was ringing.

“Liz? Slow down, are you all right? Are you with Reddington? No, we’re all okay.”

Meera clutched at his forearm, practically dizzy with her relief. If Liz were calling Aram, she had to have gotten away. She listened through a fog as Aram directed Liz to Red’s location.

The tactical team questioned Meera, making sure she was okay. But she wouldn’t be okay until Liz was back, until she could see with her own two eyes that the love of her life was safe. She brushed past everyone, pacing back and forth by the elevator. Cooper told the men to leave her be.

Twelve minutes later, the elevator doors opened and Liz was there in front of her. Before she could even step off the elevator, Meera had thrown herself into her arms, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank god you’re safe. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Did they hurt you, baby? I was so scared,” Liz murmured, tucking a strand of Meera’s hair behind her ear.

“No, the tactical team showed up after they took you away.” Meera tightened her grip around Liz’s waist. “Oh god, Lizzie, oh god. When they had that gun to your head…” she trailed off, tears streaming down her face.

“Shh,” Liz whispered in her ear. “I’m fine, Meera. I’m right here. You saved my life. You saved me, baby. Thank you,” she murmured, stroking Meera’s hair softly.

Meera buried her face into Liz’s neck. She couldn’t stop crying, and with every comforting word Liz spoke, she just cried harder. Liz could feel Meera’s hot tears pooling on her collarbone.

“Shh, shh, shh, we’re all right, my love. I’m safe. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, baby. Shh,” Liz murmured over and over in Meera’s ear.

As Meera’s sobs began to subside, Liz held her even tighter, kissing her on the top of her head. “We need to find Reddington. But when this is all over, we’ll go home to your place and see your girls and everything will be fine, okay? Everything will be fine.”

Meera breathed out shakily, stepping back so she could look into Liz’s face. “I can’t bear the thought of losing you, Liz. I can’t do it.”

“You’re not going to.” Liz gave her a small, comforting smile before placing a lingering kiss on her forehead.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

After discovering that Red had escaped and would be back only when he wanted to come back, Liz had insisted that Meera go home and relax with her girls, promising that she’d be over within the hour with Chinese takeout.

Meera was sitting on the couch between Jasmine and Grace as they watched a movie. She wasn’t paying attention to the screen, she was focusing on the feel of her arms wrapped around her daughters, their intermittent giggles.

God, what had she been thinking when she agreed to come out of retirement for this task force? In a way, she was glad – if Diane Fowler hadn’t called her about this job, she would never have met Liz. But she had almost died today. She had almost died _multiple times_ and she’d only been back in the field for a couple months. She couldn’t leave her girls motherless and alone. She closed her eyes, imagining a world where she and Liz and Jasmine and Grace could live a normal, safe life together. As a family. In some suburb far away, in a cute little house. The white picket fence, whether literal or figurative – that’s what she wanted. She pictured them living in the house where Liz grew up in Nebraska and her heart hurt because, god did she want that more than anything.

A knock on the door broke her out of her reverie. She patted the girls on the head, and stood up. “That’s Liz with the Chinese food, girls. I’ll be right back.”

She walked to the front door, her heart thrumming in her ears. The vision she’d just had was so clear. She swallowed the lump in her throat at the knowledge that it couldn’t be further from their reality.

Meera opened the door and there was Liz, positively beaming at her as she held up a brown paper bag. “I come bearing deliciousness,” Liz grinned.

Meera melted, feeling immediately calmer in Liz’s presence. She grabbed Liz’s hand and pulled her in for a kiss. “Hell yes you do,” she murmured against Liz’s lips with a contented hum.

Liz laughed, pressing a kiss to the corner of Meera’s mouth. “Now’s not the time for sexy flirting, my love. Save it for later.”

Meera pressed a kiss to Liz’s neck. “I can’t help myself when I’m around you,” she whispered.

Liz lifted Meera’s chin, cupping her face to look into her eyes, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. “Let’s go eat and forget about this nightmare of a day. We’re all safe. We’re together,” she murmured.

Meera nodded and turned, leading Liz into the living room, hand in hand.

The girls looked up when they entered. “I brought Chinese food, girls! Are you hungry?” Liz asked.

“Yessss,” Grace answered enthusiastically, rubbing her stomach, as Jasmine paused the movie.

Jasmine noticed that Meera and Liz were holding hands. “Are you and mommy dating?” she asked, her brow furrowed.

Liz looked to Meera; this decision was up to her – Liz didn’t know how much Meera was ready to share with her children. They’d only been dating for a month – she would understand if Meera wanted to keep their relationship separate from her family life.

But Meera just smiled at her and gave her a tiny nod, as if to say ‘go for it.’

Liz squeezed her hand, turning her attention back to the girls on the couch, smiling brightly at them. “Yeah, we are. I love your mom very much. But don’t worry, girls, I’m taking good care of her. I promise.”

Meera spoke up. “I didn’t want to tell you at first, just in case things didn’t work out between us,” she explained to her daughters as simply as possible. She then turned to Liz, the next part of her explanation meant more for her. “I wanted to wait until I knew for sure that this was real. And I know it’s early for us still, but… we _fit together_.”

Liz gave her a supportive smile. “We sure do,” she replied quietly, brushing her thumb across the back of Meera’s hand.

Grace interrupted their moment. “But you’re a girl!” she blurted out.

Meera and Liz glanced over and the sheer look of bafflement on the little girl’s face made them both laugh. Meera stepped forward to sit on the table in front of the girls, taking their hands. “Love is love. It’s the most important thing in the world. It doesn’t matter who you love, as long as that person loves you and makes you feel whole.”

Grace shrugged, Meera’s short explanation evidently enough for her. “Okay. Can we eat now?” she asked excitedly.

Liz laughed as she walked over to the kitchen counter, opening the bag and removing the contents. “Absolutely,” she replied.

Meera walked in to help her, pulling plates and silverware out of the cupboards and drawers. Jasmine and Grace followed her.

Jasmine had been quiet since hearing the news of her mother’s relationship, but she stood close to Liz, putting her arms around her waist in a hug. “I’m glad you make my mama happy.”

Liz stopped scooping food onto a plate and knelt down to return Jasmine’s hug. “Me too, sweetie.” She looked up and when she saw tears in Meera’s eyes, she smiled at her.

Meera cleared her throat, attempting to get her emotion under control. “Girls, go wash your hands for dinner, okay? Everything will be ready in a minute.”

As they scampered down the hall to the bathroom, Liz stood up, her eyes glued to Meera’s face. She reached out for Meera’s hands and then leaned her forehead against Meera’s, their fingers clasped tightly between them. “God, that was precious,” Liz murmured, sighing contentedly.

Meera let her lips graze Liz’s as she replied. “It was.”

“And I’m just… I’m overwhelmed. You didn’t have to do that, Meera. I mean, I’m glad you did, I’m glad we’re on the same page commitment-wise, but it’s early, and they’re so young and-”

Meera cut her off with a firm kiss, pulling Liz’s lower lip between her teeth gently. “I love it when you babble,” she whispered.

Liz tried to speak again. “No, but-”

Meera brought her thumb up to brush across Liz’s bottom lip, shushing her, as she shook her head. “It wasn’t even a question, Elizabeth. I love you. I’m all in. Completely and without question. I’m yours. I don’t care that it’s only been a month. I don’t care that I’ve never dated a woman before. I just don’t _care_. I’ve never been more sure of anyone in my life. You’re my _person_. You’re mine,” she murmured softly.

Liz smiled against Meera’s lips. “We’re _definitely_ on the same page,” she whispered softly.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

After Liz and Meera were finished cleaning up from dinner, dishwasher whirring in the kitchen, they all piled onto the couch to finish the movie. Meera sat between her two girls, Jasmine snuggled up one side, Grace on the other. Liz sat curled up next to Grace, one hand stretched over the little girl’s head, fingers brushing softly through Meera’s hair. Grace was sleepy, and as she drifted off, she leaned further into Liz’s side, wrapping her little arm around her waist, her head resting against Liz’s stomach.

Liz leaned down to press a soft kiss to the top of Grace’s head, continuing to stroke Meera’s hair. Meera glanced over and was overcome with love when she saw Grace snuggling into Liz’s side, Liz kissing her daughter lovingly.

Despite the day’s events, Meera had never felt more at peace. This was her _family_. She smiled as she remembered her fantasy from earlier in the evening. Maybe that dream wasn’t so out of reach after all. Maybe they could be a real family.

Maybe someday.


	4. Chapter 4

**_The Cyprus Agency_ **

Liz stormed into the opulent room where Dembe had told her she would find Red. And there he was, sitting on a plush antique couch.

“How _dare_ you, Reddington? Don’t you ever touch her again.” Liz was trembling with anger. She had never been so angry in her life.

“I didn’t touch her, Lizzie.”

He was so calm. How could he be so _calm_ about this?

“Don’t call me Lizzie. And I don’t care – it was one of your men. You tortured my girlfriend, Reddington. How could you possibly think she would betray this team? How could you possibly think she would _ever_ put me in danger?” Liz was close to tears now, her voice shaking with fury.

Red opened his mouth to speak but Liz held up a hand to stop him. “No, you know what? Those were rhetorical questions, I don’t want to hear it.”

Red stared at her, his mouth pulling down in a frown.

Liz’s voice was firm now, threatening. “Never hurt her again, or I swear I’ll make you regret it. Don’t even come near her.”

She turned on her heel, leaving the room, leaving the safe house, not stopping until she was behind the wheel of her car. She leaned her forehead against the steering wheel, taking deep breaths to control her rage.

She couldn’t believe what Red had had done to Meera, what he’d accused her of. It was one thing for every member of the task force to be questioned by the authorities, but Red had no right to take things into his own hands and hurt the woman she loved.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she remembered Meera coming to bed the night before, trying to be strong as she bared her cuts and bruises to Liz. Meera had been stoic, pretending that it was fine, saying she understood that Reddington needed to be thorough. But Liz had cried hot, angry tears, brushing fluttering kisses over every bruise on Meera’s body before pulling her into the bathroom, making sure every cut was treated properly. Meera had insisted she’d already taken care of it, but Liz had to make sure.

They had gone to bed, Liz clinging tightly to Meera, but she lay awake all night, fuming. Every time she tried to close her eyes, she pictured Meera in pain, Meera gritting her teeth with each blow, Meera crying out as blades slashed into her beautiful skin. Meera slept, but Liz stayed wide awake, her arms wrapped protectively around her, her front pressed firmly to Meera’s back all the way from head to toe.

It was barely dawn when Liz forced herself to disentangle herself from Meera, to go make sure Reddington knew that what he’d done was unacceptable. Her anger had kept her awake all night – she had to say something before she exploded.

Liz was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of her cell phone ringing. Meera.

“Baby, where are you?” Meera’s sleepy voice asked, clearly worried. “It’s only seven a.m.”

Liz sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you. I just- I couldn’t sleep and I had some things to get off my chest.”

“Liz…” Meera’s voice held a note of warning. “Reddington’s still alive, I hope?”

Liz grumbled. “Unfortunately, yes. If words could kill though…” she trailed off.

Meera smiled on her end of the call. “Just come home, my love. I need you here with me.”

“I’m on my way, Meera. I love you.”

She hung up and started the car, heading back to Meera’s house. The house that was starting to feel like home.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Ivan_ **

The train was gaining speed, barreling forward dangerously fast. Liz knew she was about to die. They were running out of track. Images of Meera laughing, smiling, hugging her girls, sleeping, crying out in pleasure, flashed through her mind in a flurry.

“Harrison, I know you think this is your only option, but it’s not. You’re only seventeen, you have so much ahead of you. So much life to live.” He was looking down. She needed him to look at her, to see the desperation in her eyes. “Look at me, Harrison. _Look at me_. I’m thirty years old. I didn’t meet the love of my life until a few months ago. And trust me, I don’t want to die today. I don’t want to leave my girlfriend or her daughters. I have so much more love to give. And so do you. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now, I promise you it’s true. Don’t do this, Harrison. Please. Abby wouldn’t want you to do this.”

It was the last sentence that _really_ got through to him. The dumbest of all the sentences, in Liz’s opinion. But she would say whatever it took to get him to stop the damn train, to get herself back to Meera in one piece.

Harrison pressed some buttons on his controls, trying to stop the train. But oh god, it wasn’t slowing quickly enough. They were going too fast. “We’re gonna crash,” she stated bluntly, crouching down next to the cold metal seats, trying to protect her head. She was having trouble breathing through her panic. “I’m sorry, Meera. I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispered to herself.

And then suddenly the train was slowing to a stop. She was safe. She grabbed her radio, fumbling with the buttons. “You guys there?” she asked, breathless with her relief.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Meera was waiting on the steps of the subway station, feeling completely helpless. The paramedics had arrived and were helping the teenage girl, Abby. But Meera couldn’t do anything to help anyone.

She had no idea what was happening. Cooper had radioed her to let her know that the train was going full speed, headed toward the end of the track. The boy, Harrison, had to be on the train, controlling it. And knowing Liz, there was no way she wasn’t on that train with him.

She stared at the radio in her hand, silently willing Liz’s voice to come through it. She clutched it tightly, praying to any god who would listen that that train would stop in time, that her Lizzie would be okay. She was practically frozen in terror, the seconds dragging by endlessly. She could feel her heartbeat thrumming in her ears, behind her eyes, everywhere. She felt like she was going to fall apart from the intensity of her sheer terror.

And then the radio crackled to life, and she heard the most glorious words anyone had ever spoken: “You guys there?”

Meera squeezed her eyes shut, relief coursing through her body. The relief was so sudden, so overwhelmingly strong that Meera almost felt dizzy with it. She breathed out shakily before holding down the button to speak into her radio.

“Stay put, I’m coming to get you, Liz.”

She ran up the stairs, out of the subway station, jumping behind the wheel of her car. She knew the train was near the end of the track and she knew which direction it had been heading in, so she sped farther out into Maryland, desperately needing to see with her own eyes that Liz was okay. She radioed Cooper. “Do you have their exact location? I’m on my way now.”

“The train is just past the College Park station, not quite to Greenbelt. They stopped just in time,” Cooper’s response came immediately.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she replied, pushing down on the gas pedal a little harder. In less than ten minutes, she swerved into the parking lot of the College Park metro station. She jumped out of the car, immediately spotting Liz and Harrison on a bench. They must have walked back to the nearest station to wait; Liz would have known the rest of the subway system had been shut down due to the speeding runaway train, so it was safe to walk on the tracks.

Liz. Liz was right there in front of her. Liz was safe.

Meera’s heart pounded in her chest. As she ran towards them, her eyes wild, her hair flying out behind her, Liz stood up and took a step forward to meet her. She didn’t make it far. Meera was already in front of her, throwing herself into Liz’s arms, threading her arms around Liz’s waist, burying her face in Liz’s neck, breathing in her scent. She never wanted to let go. She couldn’t.

But then she remembered what Liz had just been through and stepped back a couple inches, hands remaining on Liz’s hips. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that – are you hurt?”

Liz pulled her back in. “Just some scrapes and bruises. I’m fine.” She stroked Meera’s hair, placing a soft kiss on her temple.

Meera’s breath rushed out in a sigh of relief. “Thank god,” she whispered.

Liz pulled away and turned to Harrison. She firmly pulled him up by his upper arm. “Come on, kid. Let’s go get things sorted out.”

He nodded, looking ashamed of himself. But then Liz saw a tiny hint of a smile playing across his lips. “This is her?” he asked straightforwardly.

Meera’s brow furrowed. Liz had told this suicidal teenager about her?

Liz responded with a small smile and nodded. “This is her.” She paused, studying his face for a few seconds. “Don’t give up, Harrison. One day this will all be just an awful memory.”

He seemed to be mulling over her words, then nodded slightly. She pulled him forward as Meera led them to the car to head back to the Post Office.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

That night, after Jasmine and Grace were asleep, Liz pulled Meera into bed next to her. “Come here, I just need to hold you for awhile.”

Meera smiled sadly, slipping under the sheets facing Liz. She tucked one leg between Liz’s, resting her hand on Liz’s hip, moving her lips to Liz’s collarbone as Liz pulled Meera’s body flush against her own, holding her close, exhaling deeply.

“I didn’t think I would make it back here, to you and the girls. I couldn’t stop picturing your face,” Liz murmured.

“I couldn’t breathe, I was so terrified. God, our jobs, I just…” Meera trailed off, not sure she should say more.

Liz stroked her thumb across Meera’s back. “I know,” she whispered, completely understanding what Meera was getting at.

Liz’s words made Meera bold. Maybe Liz would be more receptive than she had previously thought. She kept her face hidden against Liz’s shoulder as she spoke. “Sometimes I just- I think about what it would be like if we quit. If we moved to the suburbs and got normal jobs. If we could just be safe and together and happy.” Her voice broke as tears came to her eyes, but she swallowed, needing to finish her thought. “I just wish we could be a normal family, you know?”

Liz tightened her arms around Meera, placing a kiss on the side of her head. “Oh, baby, me too. I worry about you every single time we go out in the field.”

“I _never_ stop worrying about you. I’ve almost lost you so many times, and I-” Emotion bubbled up in Meera’s throat, causing her next words to come out slightly distorted. “I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I’m falling apart. I’m falling-” She broke. Her body began to shake with the force of her sobs. She couldn’t breathe, gasping desperately for air, feeling like at any second she would drown in her helpless panic.

“Meera, Meera, shhh. I know, baby. I know. We’ll be okay. Everything will be okay,” Liz murmured softly, brushing her fingers through Meera’s hair, feeling hot tears soaking through her shirt. “Oh, baby, I’m here. I’m right here. I love you.” Liz held her tightly, whispering words of comfort, until Meera finally ran out of energy.

Meera felt like there were no tears left in her body; she was probably dehydrated. She took several deep, calming breaths, trying to settle her shaking nerves, to help her body regain some sense of control and normalcy. After a few more minutes, she felt like she could speak. “I’m so sorry. God, if anyone should be sobbing tonight it should be you,” she managed to whisper.

“No, baby, don’t apologize.” Liz stroked her hair softly. “Hey, look at me,” she murmured, placing a finger under Meera’s chin, hoping she would lift her head. Meera cautiously moved her head back a little so she could see Liz’s face from just a couple inches away, and Liz smiled at her, kissing her tear-stained cheek. “I love you so, so much. More than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life, Meera. But you have to understand that I _just_ started my career. It’s what I’ve spent the past ten years of my life working toward. I want so badly to start over somewhere new with you and the girls, but I owe it to myself to stay, at least for a little while longer. Especially with Reddington’s list. I feel like this is important work, you know? Like I’m making a difference in people’s lives.”

Meera squeezed her eyes shut, a few fresh tears spilling down, gravity forcing them over the bridge of her nose, down her cheek to the sheets. She nodded. “I understand. I do, completely. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I would never ask you to give up on your dream, Liz. I shouldn’t have said anything-”

Liz placed a finger to Meera’s lips. “You’re my new dream, Meera. You’re _so_ much more important than any job. I just feel like the Blacklist is something I have to see through.”

Meera smiled through her tears. “I know. I get it. Your drive to help people, to never give up on anyone... Your heart is so filled with compassion.” She shook her head slightly in disbelief. “You amaze me, darling.”

Liz smiled brightly. “You amaze me too, every day. You’re so smart and brave… You inspire me to be better at my job, to work harder. You’re the strongest woman I know. You’ve raised Jasmine and Grace by yourself, while working this crazy job. And you knew when it was time to step back and focus on your girls. I’m honestly sorry that you got pulled back into this. You were done, you were ready to focus on family. And now I’m part of that, but you’re back in the dangerous world you wanted to leave-”

Meera pressed her lips to Liz’s firmly, cutting off her words. When she pulled away, she nuzzled her nose next to Liz’s. “I’m not sorry. If I hadn’t come back, I wouldn’t have met you,” she murmured, closing her eyes.

Liz hummed contentedly, brushing her lips over Meera’s eyelid, before moving back down to her lips. “True,” she whispered against them.

Meera smiled. “We’ll be okay. We will. The girls are fine for now. _We’re_ fine for now. Family life can wait a little longer. I just wish I could stop worrying about you. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

Liz could see the overwhelming sadness in Meera’s eyes. “I know, baby. I wish I could stop worrying about you too. I can’t live without you now. You’re my everything,” Liz replied, kissing her deeply.

When she pulled back, Meera skimmed her fingers slowly up and down Liz’s side, silent for a few moments until she remembered her curiosity from earlier in the evening. “So you told the hacker kid about me?” Meera asked, her eyes shining with adoration.

Liz nodded, her mouth quirking into a smile. “I did. I needed to put his feelings for Abby into perspective. He was hopeless and scared. He killed someone by accident. He hurt the girl he loves. He felt like nothing was going right. I needed him to realize that he’s _so young_ , that someday he’d be _so glad_ he didn’t crash that train. So I told him all about you. That I met the love of my life at thirty years old. That no way in hell was I ready to leave you anytime soon.” Liz stroked a stray strand of hair behind Meera’s ear. “I don’t think that’s the part of my speech that got through to him in the moment, but I hope he remembers. I hope it sticks with him.”

Meera closed the couple inches of distance between them, fastening her lips to Liz’s wildly, gripping her sides tightly. After a minute, she pulled back so they could regain their breath. “Elizabeth Keen, you are truly perfect.” Liz huffed a laugh against Meera’s lips. “No, I mean it,” Meera continued. “That boy almost killed you and you still care about him and his happiness. God, I adore you.”

Liz pressed her lips to Meera’s again hungrily. Meera rolled Liz over onto her back, nipping at her neck. Within seconds the bedroom was a flurry of hands and lips and gasps, a hurricane of fierce need and devotion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It probably goes without saying, but this chapter contains violence.

**_Berlin Conclusion (Alternate Ending)_ **

Meera knew the man had seen her. She’d been made. And now she didn’t see him anywhere. Where could he have gone?

And then out of nowhere, she felt a cold blade slicing across her throat. Her eyes widened, realizing what had just happened. She reached up to clutch at her throat, warm blood gushing over her fingers. It was too much blood. Oh god, she was going to die. No, no, she couldn’t die. She was planning to propose to Liz as soon as this case was over.

Her mind was already getting fuzzy. She couldn’t focus. Her only thought was _no, please, I can’t leave Lizzie, I can’t leave my girls_. Their faces flashed through her mind as her vision began to cloud. She clutched her throat more tightly but it was no use. She was so dizzy. She could barely breathe. She fell to the ground, a chill spreading through her body. She was dying. She was alone. And she’d never been so scared.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Liz ran inside the nightclub, leaving her keys in the ignition, not caring about anything but Meera. Meera was here. Meera and Ressler. And they were in grave danger. Oh god, she was practically trembling with fear. The bass was thumping, matching her thundering heartbeat. She could hardly hear herself think. She saw Ressler at the top of a staircase, and yelled for him. “Ressler. Ressler!”

“Find Meera. Find her! I’ve got this,” he replied urgently.

 _Oh god oh god oh god, where was she?_ Liz was in a panic as she ran down a dark back hallway. And then she felt her heart drop into her stomach. She was going to be sick.

Meera. Lying on the sticky alcohol-stained floor.

She fell to her knees, reaching for Meera’s shoulder. And then she saw the blood, flowing from Meera’s neck. “Oh god, no,” she whimpered. “Stay with me, baby. Come on, stay with me.”

Liz brought her hands up to Meera’s neck, trying to stop the blood flow, putting as much pressure on the wound as she possibly could without choking her. For all she knew, she was already choking on her own blood.

With a shaking hand, she reached for her radio, hoping someone would hear her. “Cooper, Ressler, anyone – I need medics _now_. Meera’s down. She needs help _right now_ ,” she barked into the radio, her voice quivering. She laid the radio down next to her, moving her hand back to Meera’s neck, covering Meera’s own hand.

“Meera, baby, can you hear me? Open your eyes, baby. Look at me. Please stay with me. You can’t leave me. I’m right here. Don’t be scared, baby, I’ve got you.” Tears were streaming down Liz’s cheeks but she didn’t even notice. The only thing she could focus on was the sight of Meera’s pale, horror-stricken face, the feel of Meera’s warm blood running over her fingers, the sound of Cooper’s voice over the radio telling her that medics were on the way to the club.

Meera’s eyes flickered open just barely. Liz leaned over her. “Meera, focus on me, okay? Stay awake. Focus.” Meera’s eyes looked hazy, but Liz could see movement in them, an indication that she was at least hearing her words, trying to look at her. “Focus on my eyes. Focus on my words. I love you so much, Meera.”

Meera had practically no strength left, but she concentrated on moving one finger to curl around Liz’s so Liz would know she was still with her, that she loved her, that she was so grateful for her presence.

Liz’s throat constricted when she felt Meera’s finger curling around her own, but she swallowed the lump of emotion and kept speaking. “I love you, forever and always, Meera. You’re gonna be fine, do you hear me? Help is on the way. Don’t leave me, baby.” She took a shaking breath. “I’ve loved you since the day we met. You’re so beautiful and kind and strong. You’re _everything_ to me. I love you so much.” Liz hovered just above Meera’s face, staring into her eyes, watching for signs that she was slipping away; she still seemed to be trying to focus on Liz’s features.

Liz knew that tears were falling freely down her cheeks, probably dripping onto Meera below her, but at least she was able to hold back the sobs threatening to completely wreck her. “You’re gonna be okay. You have to be okay, Meera,” she whispered, leaning down to brush her lips softly against Meera’s. “Please keep fighting. I can’t live without you.”

Meera tightened her finger around Liz’s and Liz almost broke. “I’ll take care of Jasmine and Grace, okay? Always. I understand if you have to go, if you can’t stay with me. But the medics will be here any second, baby.” Meera’s eyes were fluttering as if she were having trouble keeping them open. “Come on, baby. I love you, Meera, I love you, I love you, I love you,” Liz murmured over and over and over.

And suddenly the medics were rushing in, surrounding them, pushing Liz back, asking her questions about what happened as they hurriedly tried to stabilize the bleeding. They were shouting orders at each other, back and forth, and Liz tried to focus on what was happening, but she couldn’t look away from Meera’s face.

A medic ran forward with a tracheal tube and breathing mask, quickly establishing an airway to stop Meera from choking on her own blood, manually helping her body get oxygen to her lungs. They maneuvered Meera onto a stretcher, positioning her on her side.

Everything was a blur. Liz felt like she was in a fog, that none of this was real, because _no, it couldn’t be real, she couldn’t lose her Meera_. She followed as the medics rushed the stretcher out of the club, placing Meera into the back of the ambulance. Through the fog, Liz heard one of them say, “She lost consciousness.”

And then the doors of the ambulance were closing and it was speeding off into the night, sirens blaring, and all Liz could do was stand there and sob as her world came crashing down around her. Her Meera was dying and there was nothing she could do.

Liz felt dizzy. She sank to her knees on the concrete, wrapping her arms around herself, gasping for breath through her sobs. She felt a hand on her shoulder, strong arms lifting her up from the ground. Ressler.

She turned in his arms, sobbing, her hands clenched into fists against his chest. He clutched her upper arms. “Keen, you need to breathe or you’re going to pass out. Breathe,” he urged her firmly.

She tried to control her breathing, taking deep breaths, calming herself down. “Meera,” she was finally able to whisper.

Ressler nodded, his eyes a storm of sorrow. He knew exactly what Liz was going through. He had lost Audrey only a month ago. “Come on, we’ll head to the hospital.”

Liz allowed him to lead her to the SUV he and Meera had arrived in. She was frozen. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t think. Ressler didn’t try to say anything as he sped towards the nearest hospital.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

When they arrived, Liz ran for the emergency room entrance, Ressler jogging to catch up. He took the lead once they got inside – Liz had been through enough. “FBI. Agent Meera Malik, she should have arrived just a few minutes ago. What can you tell us?” he asked the nurse at the desk, as he held onto Liz’s arm.

The nurse glanced down at her records. “She arrived about five minutes ago, unconscious, with a great deal of blood loss. It’s too soon to know anything else as of right now. Take a seat, and I’ll see what I can find out for you as soon as possible.”

Ressler nodded and thanked her before leading Liz to the nearest row of chairs. They sat in silence for a minute until Liz spoke, her voice breaking. “I want to be back there with her. I don’t want her to die alone.” Her face crumpled, tears spilling down her cheeks. Ressler grabbed her hand, squeezing it in support, holding on tightly as Liz silently cried.

Liz felt numb. The guilt was clawing at her like a wild animal. She had to say the words, as much as they hurt. She spoke through her tears, her voice shaking. “It’s my fault, Ressler.”

Ressler turned to look at her, his face twisted in confusion. “Liz, what are you talking about? This isn’t your fault.”

She shook her head, staring straight ahead, unable to meet his gaze. “It is. About a month ago, after the runaway train… Meera told me she wanted us both to leave the task force, to go somewhere new, somewhere nice and quiet where we could be a normal family. Me and Meera and Jasmine and Grace. She just wanted us to be safe, so we wouldn’t have to worry about each other all the time. And I agreed – I told her I wanted that too, more than anything. Just not yet, you know? I just started my career and I wasn’t ready to give that up.” She paused, drawing in a ragged breath, staring down at her hand clasped in Ressler’s. “I told her she was more important than any job, and now I’m gonna lose her.” Her body trembled with the sobs she was trying so desperately to hold back. “I should have listened to her, Ressler. Why didn’t I listen to her?” Her voice was a mere whisper by the time she finished speaking.

“Liz, listen to me. You can’t blame yourself. Trust me, you’ll go crazy.” Ressler shook his head as he turned his body further toward Liz, placing his free hand on Liz’s knee. His voice was firm, desperate to make her understand. “I don’t know how many times I’ve thought about all the things that could have gone differently the day Audrey died... If I hadn’t gone to her apartment to pick her up. If I had made sure she stayed in the car. If I had seen her in time to stop him from shooting her. Hell, if I hadn’t gotten involved with her again in the first place, she would still be alive. But none of that is productive. None of it helps. It just makes you feel worse. Because _none_ of those ‘what ifs’ matter. You can’t go back in time and change things.” He paused, squeezing her knee as he examined the emotion playing across her face. “You just can’t think like that, Keen. You can’t, alright? You’ve done _everything you can_.”

Liz closed her eyes and nodded, trying to keep herself from falling apart. But as soon as she opened her eyes and met Ressler’s concerned, understanding gaze, she cracked. “I just love her so much. I can’t lose her. I can’t-” She covered her face with her free hand to give herself the illusion of privacy in the crowded waiting room as she broke down. Ressler pulled her into his side, wrapping his arm around her, holding her pieces together as she shattered like glass.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

About an hour later, the nurse from the desk approached them. “Sir?”

Liz and Ressler both looked up at her anxiously. “Do you have new information?” Ressler asked.

The nurse nodded. “Ms. Malik is through surgery, but she’s not necessarily in the clear yet. The doctors managed to stabilize her breathing throughout the procedure with a tracheal tube. She’s breathing on her own now, though she’s being watched closely for setbacks. The depth and angle of the cut were such that no major arteries were damaged, so the bleeding is under control. She _has_ had a significant amount of blood loss, so she’s currently receiving a blood transfusion. She’s still unconscious, and nothing is guaranteed, but the doctors are holding out hope.”

Liz squeezed Ressler’s hand so hard that his knuckles cracked, her eyes widening as the nurse spoke. Once they had thanked her profusely for letting them know and she had walked away, Liz just stared at Ressler, on the verge of hyperventilating, unable to speak. Unable to voice this sudden hope that had bloomed in her chest for fear that if she said the words out loud, she would jinx everything, that the nurse would come back and tell them she had been mistaken, that Meera was actually gone.

Ressler gave her a tiny hint of a smile. “Hey, breathe. Breathe, Keen.”

Without warning, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. He returned the embrace, squeezing her tightly. They stayed like that for a minute until Liz pulled away to lean back in her seat again, reaching for Ressler’s hand. It should have felt odd for her to have so much physical contact with Ressler, but in the moment it felt right. She needed the reassurance of human touch. She needed him. “Thank you for staying here with me,” she told him, managing a small smile of gratitude.

“Of course,” he replied, squeezing her hand.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Neither of them had moved for several hours other than a trip to the restroom. Liz was sleeping fitfully against Ressler’s shoulder, when suddenly she awoke with a start, turning around to look out the window. It had to be the middle of the night, maybe even early morning. “Ressler, the girls. Who’s watching the girls?” she asked in a panic, her voice tinged with sleep.

“Cooper called their babysitter. She’s been with them all night. It’s taken care of, Liz,” he replied gently.

“Oh god, they must be so scared,” Liz whispered, swallowing back tears. “I should be with them right now. But I can’t leave. I don’t know-”

Ressler cut her off. “Liz, calm down. They don’t know that anything’s wrong. They were told Meera had a work emergency she had to deal with. You don’t need to leave, alright?”

She nodded slowly, slumping down in her seat. “God, Ressler, I’m losing my mind,” she murmured.

He squeezed her shoulder comfortingly. “I’ll go see if there’s any new information. Be right back.”

Liz felt completely drained, emotionally and physically. She had spent the majority of the past several hours crying. Her face felt raw, her head was pounding, her eyes sensitive. She didn’t know what to feel. She was trying not to let the hope overwhelm her, but that flicker of hope was the only thing keeping her from feeling completely dead inside.

Meera. _Meera._ How could she live without her? Without those beautiful eyes and those strong arms that held her so tightly and that kind heart that loved her so deeply? How could she go back to sleeping alone? How could she look at Jasmine and Grace, seeing Meera’s features mirrored on theirs, without breaking down? If she lost Meera, she and the girls would be a family missing its center, missing the piece that tied them all together.

And how could she live with the guilt? She knew that Ressler was right, but she couldn’t help but blame herself. If she had agreed with Meera that night, aligned her actions with her words and _actually_ put Meera ahead of her career, they could have already left the task force. They might be safe right now instead of in this sterile, fluorescent-lit hospital surrounded by the threat of death and grief.

Fresh tears spilled from Liz’s eyes and she leaned forward, elbows on her knees, resting her head in her hands. She couldn’t stop picturing the terrified expression on Meera’s face as she clutched at her bleeding throat. She couldn’t stop imagining how scared Meera must have been lying there alone on the floor before she arrived.

A firm hand on her shoulder brought Liz out of the painful images flashing through her head. She looked up at Ressler nervously.

“She’s still unconscious, but she’s been stable since the blood transfusion. They were going to wait a bit longer to let us know to be on the safe side, but they said since there hasn’t been a decline in her condition we can go see her now.”

Liz shot up out of the chair, her heart in her throat. Ressler led her over to the waiting nurse.

She felt like she was moving in slow motion as the nurse led them through hallways that smelled like sickness and antiseptic. And then the nurse stopped in front of a long window.

Liz took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to fill herself up with courage before turning to look through the window. Her heart dropped to the floor. She felt like she was going to be sick. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth, stifling the animalistic noise that was trying to escape, as tears pricked at her eyes. She felt Ressler’s protective hand on her shoulder again, but she couldn’t look away from Meera.

Meera. Paler than usual, tubes and machines everywhere, lying motionless in the bed. She looked so fragile, nothing like the fierce, strong woman Liz knew her to be. She could just barely see the soft rising and falling of Meera’s chest. She was suddenly seized by the overwhelming fear that at any second that rising and falling motion would stop.

“Would you like to go in?” the nurse asked softly.

Liz reluctantly dragged her eyes away from Meera to meet the nurse’s gaze. She hesitated. “Will I hurt her?” Liz asked, her voice wobbly.

The nurse shook her head. “No, she’s stable. Just steer clear of the injured area.”

Liz nodded and the nurse opened the door for her. And then suddenly it was just the two of them. It was quiet, except for the beeping of the machines, monitoring every vital process in Meera’s body.

She could see Meera’s heartbeat on the monitor, a tangible reminder that she was still with her, that maybe Liz wouldn’t lose the love of her life after all.

Despite the nurse’s words, she was scared to touch her. Like if she touched her, Liz would wake up and realize this was just a dream and that Meera was gone. But she walked slowly to the bed, reaching a tentative, trembling hand out until her fingertips were brushing Meera’s.

Her breath caught in her throat. Meera was here, breathing, her heart beating, right in front of her. _She was touching her Meera_.

Liz took a deep, unsteady breath, exhaling slowly. Her body somehow managed to produce more tears; she could feel them following the wet tracks leftover from just a few minutes ago. She noticed a chair against the wall and pulled it forward next to the bed, sitting down. She couldn’t stop looking at her. She rested her hand on top of Meera’s gently, using her thumb to stroke Meera’s soft skin. Liz was silent for several minutes, content to simply be touching her.

She wanted to talk to her, to tell her how sorry she was. She knew Meera probably couldn’t hear her, but she needed her, she needed to talk to her. “Meera,” Liz whispered raggedly. “Meera, please wake up. Please be okay.” Liz paused, watching her breathe for a moment. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should have listened to you. God, I’m so sorry. I love you, Meera. I can’t lose you.”

Liz laid her head on the bed, using the crook of her elbow as a pillow. She drifted off to sleep, her thumb moving rhythmically across Meera’s hand, her name a murmur on her lips: _Meera, Meera, Meera_.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Liz had no idea how long she’d been asleep when she stirred, slowly waking to someone stroking her palm gently. The events of the previous night came crashing back to her consciousness, and as she remembered where she was, her head shot up to find Meera awake, looking exhausted, but gazing at Liz with a contented smile.

“Meera?” Liz’s voice cracked. Was she dreaming? No, she couldn’t be. She could feel the sleepy fog of subconscious fading away, her heart lodged in her throat, and she knew that this was real. Meera’s smile widened and she tightened her hold on Liz’s hand.

The pressure on her fingers was the final straw, the final proof that she was awake and that Meera was there in front of her, holding her hand. Liz broke down, her face crumpling with relief as she felt most of the tension and terror drain from her body. “Meera,” she whispered. Liz never wanted to stop saying her name. She couldn’t get enough. The sound of it on her lips sharpened the focus of reality.

Liz stood up, clutching at Meera’s hand, afraid to let go. She lifted her free hand cautiously to Meera’s face, brushing her thumb gently across her cheek, running her fingers softly through Meera’s hair. “Oh, baby. I love you so much,” Liz murmured, her voice quivering. Tears rolled slowly down her cheeks, forming bigger tears as their paths intersected.

Liz felt like she was being crushed with the weight of her guilt. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” Meera’s brow furrowed in confusion, but Liz had to keep going, she had to get this out, she had to make sure Meera understood. “I should’ve listened to you, Meera. We should have left the task force already. I meant what I said that night, that you’re more important than any job, and then I almost lost you because I _didn’t_ put you first, and I don’t know what I’d do without you, I really don’t. I can’t imagine losing you, baby, you’re everything to me. This was my fault, and I’m so sorry.” She cried harder as she spoke.

Meera stroked her thumb across the back of Liz’s hand comfortingly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she gave Liz a small smile. It was difficult to speak; her throat was irritated from the breathing tube. Her voice came out rough, hoarse. “Elizabeth, will you marry me?”

Liz stopped crying, staring at Meera with wide eyes, her mouth parted in surprise. Maybe she was still dreaming. She had to make sure she’d heard correctly. “What?” she whispered.

A tear slid from the corner of Meera’s eye and she squeezed Liz’s hand. “I was going to ask you last night. And now especially, I don’t want to waste another second.”

The physical strain in Meera’s voice was breaking Liz’s heart, but at the same time she had never felt more overwhelmed with love and joy. She nodded emphatically, pointlessly trying to wipe tears of happiness from her cheeks as they continued flowing freely. “Yes, baby. Yes, of course I’ll marry you. And I’m done with this task force, I’m done with this job. I don’t care about Reddington or his list anymore, okay? None of it is worth losing you. I just want us to be safe and together.” She smiled through her tears. “I’m so sorry for not putting you first, Meera. I’m so sorry that my selfishness led to you being hurt. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself. I-”

“It isn’t your fault. I understood that night, and I still do. You don’t have anything to forgive yourself _for_ , my love,” Meera insisted, urging Liz to understand. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have survived this. You kept me alive, Liz. Your voice asking me to stay. Your eyes as you told me how much you love me. _You’re_ the reason I didn’t give up. I _couldn’t_ give up. I couldn’t leave you before we had a chance to really _start_. I love you more than life itself. You didn’t hurt me, you saved me. Do you understand?”

Liz squeezed her eyes shut, tears spilling over, before opening them again and meeting Meera’s gaze, unable to speak. She nodded, skimming her fingers up and down Meera’s arm, managing a reassuring crooked half-smile. “Can I kiss you? Will I hurt you?” Liz asked hesitantly, worried.

Meera’s mouth quirked into a smile, her eyes gleaming with joy. “Be gentle. But please kiss me.”

Liz leaned over, her hair tickling Meera’s cheek. She brushed her lips softly against Meera’s forehead, her nose, her lips. After the first gentle touch, she pressed her lips more firmly against Meera’s, lingering, never wanting to stop. “I love you,” Liz whispered before pulling back slightly.

Meera smiled. “How do you feel about Nebraska? We could raise the girls in the house where you grew up?”

Liz was in awe of this incredibly brave woman, though she was slightly surprised that Meera would choose Nebraska. “Are you sure, baby? We can go anywhere you want.”

“That’s what I want, Liz. I want to get to know your family, to feel closer to you and your life. I want the girls to grow up there.” Meera paused, suddenly worried that she was being presumptuous. “That is, if that’s what you want as well.”

Liz threaded her fingers through Meera’s hair, grinning. She couldn’t believe this miracle – that she was getting a second chance to make sure Meera knew that she was her top priority, the _only thing that mattered_. “Nebraska sounds absolutely perfect, my love.”


End file.
